we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
