To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is wine microwaveable?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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