the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
