You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
