I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
