I just threw up on my dentist
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
