I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
