Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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