We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
