do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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