i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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