If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
