"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
