i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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