Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
