just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
