google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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