i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
