did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
