i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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