She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
