i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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