she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize