So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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