just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
