3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
