Is it because I queefed?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
