After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
