did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
