the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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