you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
