i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
