i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
