Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
