No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
