Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
