We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize