Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
