i already hear my dad disowning me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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