90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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