I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's the barista slut.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
