I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
