he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
