grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dicks are not precious.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
