She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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