You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
