The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize