i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Of course I have a pirate flag
Enjoy the penises
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize