I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
