Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
