just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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