Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize