I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
