You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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