There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
