just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
