I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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