If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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