one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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