sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
