wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
