I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
worst night to have a conscience
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
