(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
