Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
