Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
