He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
