I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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