No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
