Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
