i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He better not be in your backpack
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
