It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
