Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
