I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is Oprah even human
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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