remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
